This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
