M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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