That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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