The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
