Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your penis caused this!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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