As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize