are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
