Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
