dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize