I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
