You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
