New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
