Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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