ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
