Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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