id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
