Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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