My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She bit a glass in half.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
