I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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