those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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