i just had sex bonerless
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
