is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
