What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
