only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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