no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize