Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
