i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am spending my child support on dildos
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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