we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
