her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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