I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
