awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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