it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
