No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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