yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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