No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
