why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
