she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
