There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
