guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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