when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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