This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
