dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
