I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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