She is in my trunk
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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