In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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