His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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