oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
