Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
