Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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