You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
