if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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