It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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