you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
