as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
