just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
