check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
