And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
