Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
