The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize