haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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