Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
