somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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