yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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