The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
