worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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