Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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