we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
