if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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