don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
