She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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