we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
