The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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