This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
