one two three fourrrrnication!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize