so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
