and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
