genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize