and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize