He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
