U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
