I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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