Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
