we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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