Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
