Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
did i just pee glitter
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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