You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize