I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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