That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize