Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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