either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
40s are totally the cure
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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