she smelled like a LAN party
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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