i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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