Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
