she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
